


Of card games and dubiously adjusted people

by the_casual_cheesecake



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Card Games, Drinking, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, Office Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, author's attempt at a backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:01:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5005780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_casual_cheesecake/pseuds/the_casual_cheesecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“wait, you mean to tell me this was all, what? You courting me?!” Q squeaked. His head was churning. Oh those two were more fucked up than he was.</p>
<p>“Yes I thought that was fairly obvious.” Bond dead paned. </p>
<p>“Oh my god” Q stood up, hands flailing upwards exasperatedly “And you couldn't just be normal people and ask me out? You had to corner me in my office and make me think you were going to leap and eat me alive at any moment?!” </p>
<p>“We could make it fun, the eating alive thing, if you're interested.” Alec beamed at him.</p>
<p>-----<br/>Or, the obligatory bottle fic that i couldn't resist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of card games and dubiously adjusted people

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first non-drabbly fic in years, and my first try at a sex scene; so I'm very open to any note you could give me.
> 
> I haven't, nor am i planning to watch GoldenEye, because frankly Pierce Bronson annoys me and I will not put myself through that. So I would like to thank all the wonderful writers in this fandom who've each introduced me to their own versions of him, until mine crystallized and kept poking me till I wrote this. Thank you.
> 
> Hover over the Russian to get translations. it all came from google translate though, if it's inaccurate I'm sorry Russian speakers.  
> ps: if you're on a phone or tablet the hovering won't work and so the translations are in the end note.
> 
>  
> 
> Carry on, and hope you enjoy.

“Quartermaster, unlock the door.” 007 demanded, walking closer to Q, his voice was low, but his body was tense, there were waves of aggression rolling off of him, and Q found himself instinctively moving to put the his desk between them. 006 was further away, still standing by the locked office door, glaring daggers at the younger man.

“Do restrain yourself 007, you know I designed the security system for a reason.” Q was very proud of the way his voice didn't waver.

“Open the door Q.” the man was stalking towards him, his gun hand twitching in a way that did not bring any comfort to the young quartermaster.

“No.”

“you know they need us! We are the best double 0s MI6 has, we could make the difference between winning or losing! Why are you being so stubborn?!” 006 snapped and walked to stand shoulders with his partner, his jaw clenching with irritation.

Q stared the two agents down, his hands pressing on his desk, very much out of patience with the two's attempts to intimidate him for the last fifteen minutes, “this is the protocol I spent months designing, I slaved my time and effort as well as others into it because I know it works, MI6's best strategists, including both of you by the way, have agreed that this is the best way to insure minimum losses of life or precious assets in case of an attack, I will not compromise my very delicately drawn protocol, or Q-branch, and the information we have here for the sake of your egos! So sit down, play nice, and let security handle this. And when they do I will open that door and you and everyone else will be free to go.” He sat resolutely in his chair, still glaring at both agents, who were now looking very mildly chastised, until they sat, or sprawled in the case of 006, on his couch.

“Can you see what's happening at least?” 007 asked, still tense and unhappy with the situation.

“I'm sorry 007, I can't. Q-branch systems are all in emergency shut down, and the protocol works on a separate system so our information stays safe.” Q sighed, he was feeling restless too, it wasn't just the double 0s who felt responsible for people's lives, this was in his job description too, and being blind was not something he ever enjoyed.

He turned to his paperwork, sat in a small pile on his desk, and decided to start on that, because if nothing else, the paperwork from the new protocol after the day was over was going to be a pain.

“Well this is obviously not going to work.” 006 said after a while.

“elaborate.” Q demanded, looking up from his half finished pile to see his agents, still in the same position, 006 slumped down with an exasperated look on his face, while 007 was on his phone, probably trying to bypass security, Q thought, which of course he will not manage.

“James is going to lose his mind, he can't just sit and think about what's out there, he will go insane and kill both of us, or at least try” 006 smirked at his partner, who was glaring at him. “And I do not do well with incarceration. Unless you have some handcuffs we could use quartermaster, that would elevate the situation considerably.” he wiggled his eyebrows ridiculously, and Q rolled his eyes.

“I'm sorry my office isn't entertaining enough for you 006, perhaps you should take a nap.” the younger man suggested with a condescending smile.

“Oh come on Q, it's not like you have anything to do either, indulge us, we could make it worth your while.” 006 drawled lazily, stretching his back on Q's sofa. Q had to fight to stop a blush from colouring his cheeks, something he was being forced to do way too often in the presence of 006 lately.

“Alec.” 007 said warningly, and his partner turned to him, which was then apparently followed by an entire conversation in which neither man spoke a word, because 007 suddenly rolled his eyes fondly at 006, which in itself was a shock to watch, and turned a brilliant smile at the quartermaster, who was looking confused and slightly uneasy at this new development.

“Quartermaster, oh quartermaster, will you come down from your tower to play with us heathens?” 007's calculating cold blue eyes had magically turned warm and playful and trained with full force at him.

Q was confused. He was used to random meaningless flirting over the comms from the agents, especially 006, but he had always felt that 007 distrusted him, he almost accepted the moment when Bond would throw his earwig away and go solo as fact of life, no matter how it got his blood boiling over his precious equipment. This new 007 didn't do Q's nerves any good.

“play?” Q's voice was slightly higher than usual, and was nearing on a whisper, so he distractedly picked up a mug from his desk and took a sip of what turned out to be horridly cold tea.

006 produced a deck of cards from his pocket and smiled at Q charmingly, waving the deck towards him. “Play.” he stated, still grinning.

“I'm perfectly aware of both your records with cards, excuse me if I don't want to lose my life savings entertaining you.” Came Q's reply followed by a raised eyebrow and a calculating gaze.

“what if we do make it worth your while? How about some strip poker quartermaster?” 006's voice was devoid of humour, instead it was low, and it stirred something in Q's groin, which he then promptly ignored in favour of snorting out a laugh at the agent's expense.

“that is definitely not going to happen 006.”

“Alec.” His agent replied, making Q frown. “You can call me Alec, Q.”

“Alright then, if not strip poker, how about we trade in something of a higher value, not that you don't have a very high quality behind Q” Bond interrupted the silence that followed his partner's statement, somehow making both Q and Trevelyan laugh abruptly.

“what ever do you suggest James?” Trevelyan asked theatrically.

“The highest currency in the business. Secrets.” 007 moved in his seat like a predator, it was very casual to the untrained eye, but Q was anything but unobservant, Bond was slowly leaning forward, his legs falling open, his eyes scanning his prey for any reaction to his words, his jaw mildly tensing in anticipation, despite the playfulness he was projecting with his clear blue eyes at the quartermaster. The penny drops.

“why would I ever agree to that?” Q asked curiously.

“because you're not the only one with interesting secrets quartermaster.” Bond answered casually, settling back on the couch and lifting an ankle up on a knee.

Trevelyan was watching Bond as he played his charade with soft eyes and the hint of a smile on his lips, and Q knew for a fact that he was being very expertly played, but the offer was as tempting as it gets; to get into these men's heads, to learn how their brains worked. Very tempting indeed, and after all, he really didn't have anything better to do.

“On one condition” the quartermaster challenged, a devious smile on his face “I get to pick the game.”

Bond narrowed his eyes at him, and exchanged a quick look with his partner before nodding in acceptance, “what's your pick then?”

Q walked to his tiny kitchenette and rummaged through his cabinets, successfully finding the deck he used once to help 004 practice counting cards, and added it to Trevelyan's. He dropped down on the carpet to the empty space and gestured for the other two to join him, and they did; excitedly in Trevelyan's case, god the man was like an overgrown puppy, if puppies verged on murdering psychopaths at time. And reluctantly, in Bond's, obviously looking from the ground to his perfectly ironed suit, making Q roll his eyes and drag at Bond's sleeve to sit him down.

“we're playing conquain, are you familiar with it?” Q quirked an eyebrow when Alec pursed his lips minutely and turned to Bond.

“Rummy. Sort of.” Bond answered his partner's unasked question without breaking eye contact with Q.

Q started shuffling when Alec nodded and relaxed again at his left. He presented the deck to bond, who tapped it gently with a soft smile. The younger man started dealing, cheeks a little pinked, but nobody was mentioning that.

Q picked up his fourteen cards after he finished, and quickly sorted them out the way he liked, placing the triplets face down in front of him, and looked up to see Alec had done the same, while Bond's cards still sat fully in his hands. Q discarded a three of clubs, and the game began.

“So Q, who taught you how to play?” Bond asked, breaking the silence as Alec discarded the card he just drew.

“I haven't lost yet 007, aren't my secrets still my own?” Q asked with a smirk, then turned to draw a card.

“That's not very generous of you Q” Trevelyan all but pouted “but alright I'll go first. I was taught this game by a gorgeous American soldier while we were waiting for backup in an abandoned building. Southern accent and big brown eyes. I'll admit Losing had never felt so sweet” Alec said grinning, then winked at Q.

“Classy Trevelyan. I'm afraid my story isn't nearly as entertaining. My grandmother taught me while I was young, we used to play over who would make breakfast, which she always ended up doing anyway because she never trusted anyone near her kitchen.” Q said, smiling faintly at the memory, eyes on his cards. “ what about you Bond?”

“I learned it in Lebanon, before I was a Double 0, early MI6 days. They had finally sent me out after spending months in Greece with only paperwork and politicians for company, I was to gather info on Hezboallah troops near Shebaa Farms.

“I posed as an Iranian volunteer of Russian decent, and stayed there for a very enjoyable month. A couple of men thought it abysmal that I didn't know the game and took it upon themselves to teach me. Of courses they didn't play for stakes, it's haram to gamble, but a good investment all in all. It was all very tragic when I got killed in an Israeli bombing.” Bond answered, earning a snort from Q, and a quiet laugh from Alec at the finishing line.

Q stared from the the crinkles around Bond's eyes as he looked at his partner, to the hand Alec had on Bond's knee and felt something flutter in his stomach. He cleared his throat and withdrew a card, grinning as it completed his set.

It was worrying Q how easy it was to forget that the two people he sat with, harmlessly playing cards and exchanging stories, are two of the most dangerous people he would ever meet. That Bond's easy smile and twinkling blue eyes most likely hid ulterior motives, and that Trevelyan's slumped form against the back of his desk, and the flirtatious looks he threw Q's way was prone to change to hostility at the drop of a hat. It alarmed him, how good of actors they were.

The game ended by Alec ripping the joker off Q's set on the floor and completing his Aces triplet. He threw his arms over his heard and grinned wolfishly at the other two, goading Bond loudly and declaring himself king, which was followed by Bond declaring him a child and taking the cards off the floor to shuffle them.

“So, how does this work, do I ask whatever questions I want?” Alec asked.

Q looked apprehensively at Bond, it was his rule after all, and Q had agreed to it beforehand, but he didn't exactly feel comfortable airing himself out for the picking of two spies. Bond continued shuffling but looked up to meet his gaze, and then Alec's.

“You win, you chose the person you want, and ask them." Bond shrugged.

Trevelyan grinned at Q, rubbing his palms together maniacally, oh dear lord, he actually was a child.

“I'll start simple, wouldn't want to break you little Q” the way 006 lost his easy smile to a dangerous probing stare gave Q whiplash, “Syria or Lebanon? And were you raised here?”

The question brought a sharp inhale to Q's lips, startling him into dropping whatever train of thought he had, and staring at Trevelayn with shock.

“I don't understand.” Q cleared his throat and tried to sound a little less like he's been taken completely unaware, “what are you asking me?”.

“don't insult our intelligence Q” Bond answered, looking sharply at Q, “You gave us each 13 cards. Universally conquain is dealt 7, unless you happen to play in Syria or Lebanon, that poses the question, were you raised here?” Q gulped, he was so out of his depth. He should have let them leave, he never should have agreed to play them, he felt a little like the gazelle on the nature channel, grazing peacefully, unaware of the circling predators, until it got its throat ripped out by one.

“Syria” he finally answered, looking away from the agents to his hands, “My mother was pregnant when they arrested my father, it was the 80s, the government was terrorising people into accepting the new one party regime and no one could do anything but sit and wait and hope not to be noticed. My father didn't, he was ambitious, thought he was too smart to be caught-” he paused, his throat felt like he'd lodged a stone in it, “well, suffice it to say, they were smarter. My Gran smuggled my mother and herself out. I was Born here. Excuse me.” He got up and went behind his desk to retrieve the bottle of scotch M gifted him when she promoted him. It hadn't been touched yet, but since he was making bad decisions anyway...

He sat back down, bottle and three unused mugs in hand, poured a generous helping into each, and immediately shot back his with a hiss at the burn.

Damn clever double 0s and their uncanny abilities to read people and know exactly where to push. This was not a subject he ever wanted to think about.

Bond poured him a second glass.

“shall we” Q said, gesturing to the deck, now in Trevelyan's hands.

Trevelyan started dealing without a word.

It was only after a long while, and the alcohol pleasantly dulling his system that Q began focusing on the game, and the meaningless chatter the two agents were providing for distraction.

“-false accusations won't win you any point Bond, you can't prove any of it.”

“I don't hear anything about me not being right Trevelyan.”

“what are we fighting about now?” Q asked, inserting himself in the conversation. Two pair of eyes turned to him, and without missing a beat, they both started explaining to him at the same time how the other was an idiot.

And that, that was exactly why those two confused the hell out of him. They bounced like hungry wolves at anyone without the slightest provocation, and not a second later they could be so gentle and kind and considerate. If it didn't scare Q, he would be sad for them. Even double 0s couldn't survive long living as walking paradoxes.

And the worst of it was that knowing that they were likely still playing him like a string did not stop his chest warming at the soft glances they threw his way, or at the subtle way they started touching him; Bond moving an inch closer under the guise of peaking at his cards, while caressing his shoulder and running a finger down his arm, Or Trevelyan's foot being a subtle weight against his thigh, and his hand casually straightening his jeans cuffs or his shoelaces, whilst fingertips lent heat to Qs body.

“M always gave bloody magnificent scotch.” Bond said wistfully, rolling his drink.

“I can't imagine you giving her many reasons to buy you liquor Bond.” Q teased, not even bothering to ask how Bond figured out where the bottle came from.

“Lets just say that resurrection always came with benefits.” Bond grinned.

“Is that why you do it so often? I'll buy you as much scotch as you want if you start returning my equipment.” Q said with a smirk, then spread his winning triplets on the floor.

Alec groaned showing Bond his hand, missing only one card to win. Bond clapped him on the back in sympathy, although the effect was lost when combined with his amused expression. Alec pouted at his partner and Bond chuckled and pulled him in to kiss the side of his forehead then said, tone laced with affection, “You are such a sore loser.” which made Alec grin and peck Bond's lips.

Q blushed and attempted to look away from the scene, but his eyes kept darting back. He had heard rumours before about Alec and Bond's relationship. His entire departments buzzed with gossip and bets whenever the two were together on assignment, but they always ended up evading surveillance sooner or later and the bets were left hanging for confirmation. Q had decided early on to ignore the entire thing lest his brain got more ideas than was necessary. Fat lot of good it did now; he swallowed nervously and tried to shake the obscene images in his head.

The agents were back in their proper places like nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Q thought he saw the shadow of a smirk on Bond's lips but it was gone too quickly for him to be sure.

“So, me or Alec quartermaster?” Bond asked him. Q took an embarrassing second to realize that the question was about the game. He tried to hide his reaction behind his mug, but by the look of Alec's face, he probably failed.

“You're a menace mister Bond.” Q squinted his eyes, drawing an amused snicker out of the agent. His face was still pinked, but he knew the other two realized how attractive they both were, it was a moot point to try to hide his response in the first place, so he chose to glare instead.

Bond winked at him. Bastard.

“Bond, in relation to our earlier conversation; Why did you come back last time? after Moneypenny.”

Q's question put the tension back in the room.

“Take the bloody shot.” Alec murmured, knocking back the last of his drink, then continued, with a tightened jaw and a dangerous tone, “It's a good thing the old woman bit it while I was away, or I swear I would've killed her myself.”

“Alec.” Bond tried.

“No James, do not even attempt to give me that bullshit again. That bitch got what was coming to her.” Alec bristled. Bond sighed.

“I almost didn't come back. I was so damned tired Q” Bond's impossible blue eyes reflected layers and layers full of tangled emotions, “HQ blew up, and then Alec called. I was ready to meet him somewhere and disappear; but I kept thinking of Vesper, of all people. How after that entire mess, M tried to help, in her own way; How she tried to make me forgive her, and myself for falling for her, When back then, even Alec was too angry and hurt, which he had every right to be.

“But still, M was there, and MI6 was clearly in deep shit, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't fault her for making a decision I would’ve made in a heartbeat. So I told Alec we were coming back.”

“Do you miss her?” Q asked quietly.

“I do.” Bond answered with a sad smile.

“Me too.” Q smiled back tentatively.

Alec was shuffling the cards, avoiding looking at either of them, and despite all M did for Q, he couldn't hold Alec's anger against him. The man had almost lost his lover and partner, Q would have probably done worst things than silent fury in his position.

“I'm glad you came back Bond” Q raised his mug to click with Bond's.

They all drank.

***

The next round Bond won, and Q told them how he learned computers.

He was young, and he wanted to find his dad. He worked for years, and he was brilliant, enough to manage to hack the Syrian government at nineteen, and retrieve his dad's file; but not brilliant enough to realize that he would break his mother's heart by telling her her lover was dead, and had been for years. Also not brilliant enough not to get caught.

MI6 got him out of prison, and Boothroyd gave him a chance to be better. His brilliance turned to genius, and his work proved a distraction from all his mistakes.

Alec, thankfully, caught his reluctance to dive into melancholic remembrance, and started teasing him about his prison stint, which spurred the banter between him and Q throughout the next round. Bond was quiet and compensative, and when he won, he surprised Q by picking Alec.

“When did you decide to turn against the Russians, you never told me.” Bond's voice was tender, his body language lax and unthreatening, as if knowing he was treading dangerous grounds.

Q furrowed his eyebrows, he had read all the double 0s files when he got promoted to Q, he did not remember Alec's ever mentioning him being a Russian agent.

“James.” Alec warned, sitting straighter, glancing at Q.

“Alec.” Bond answered with the same tender tone, prompting his partner, and Q was starting to feel out of the loop, he didn't like it.

“Trevelyan, what is he talking about?” Q asked, slightly irritated.

“If you're asking as my quartermaster, I won't tell you Q” Alec sighed, sending a look Q couldn't interpret to Bond, who still had the same strange expression on his face.

“Your secrets are as safe with me as mine are with you Alec.” Q stated, still a little hesitant.

Alec's eyes softened at Q's use of his first name, and he murmured a resigned “damn you to hell Bond” before starting with a sigh “I was a plant at MI6 for a long time Q.”

Q froze.

“My parents tried to defect here during the cold war, but MI6 handed them over to the USSR to be executed. They survived, but their friends didn't; my father went mad, he was so angry and guilt ridden that he killed my mother and shot himself. I was furious at England, for so many years. Destroying six was all I had-” He paused and took a sip from his drink, then looking from Q to Bond he continued, “We were in Russia James. I changed my mind that night in Arkhangelsk, because if MI6 had you, I'd rather have MI6.”

Bond took a shuddering breath at the declaration, but stayed seated, eyes locked with his partner.

Q felt like an intruder, and he wondered what Bond was playing at, to be asking this in Qs presence, it didn't make sense. He could have his answers any time he wished, especially given how much deeper their relationship went according to Alec. Q hated inconsistencies. He took a gulp of his drink.

How was he supposed to react to any of this? He was quartermaster, he had other agents to protect other than those two, despite how much space they took in his brain. Alec's secret affected everyone at MI6. Never mind that Q was locked in a room full of things to be used as weapons in the presence of the two deadly men ready to kill anyone to defend each other. Oh what a mess.

“And now Alec?” Q heard himself saying.

The two agents' sharp gazes turned to him, and it was Bond that asked “what do you mean Q?”

Q took a deep breath, and let it out in embarrassing quiet shudders, “Are you loyal to MI6 now? Are my agents safe with you at their backs?” oh he was so dead, he just signed his own obituary. Why does he get himself in these situations?

Bond's eyes narrowed at him, and he could almost taste his anger and had to physically clasp his hands together to keep them from shaking. But Q met his eyes steadily, knowing he had every right to ask. But he could swear that steel cold stare could split him in two if he let it.

“James calm down, it's a fair question.” Alec clasped one of Bond's hands in both of his and started running his thumb soothingly around his palm. Bond reluctantly broke his stare, but was still humming with repressed energy. At least it took some of Q's edge off.

“Truth is I don't know Q” Alec said with a sigh, still massaging Bond's palm, “I know my father was a madman, and logically I understand why MI6 couldn't risk it, I'm not consumed by insane revenge plans for a man that didn't give a shit about me.

“I won't defect or attack MI6, unless they betray one of us. I know that. And I know I don't like any of the other options I could go for, but I still don't have any particularly fuzzy warm feelings about six either. But I'm with James, therefore with England” He finished with a shrug a little too tight to be causal.

“I don't know what to do with this information Alec.” Q realized that he was hugging himself, knees drawn up to his chest. He felt so young suddenly, sitting in front of these two.

His eyes were drawn to Bond when he let out a quiet breath, releasing Alec's hand and getting up, walking closer to Q, slowly as if approaching a wounded animal, careful not to startle him. He knelt right in front of him and extended a hand to smooth the hair at the back of Q's neck, then leaned closer and kissed his forehead, lips lingering there, while the fingers tightened at the back of his head.

“Don't be frightened quartermaster, we won't hurt you.” Bond's lips murmured close to his ear, and Q shivered as the breath tickled his skin.

Q's head felt heavy, and he regretted his last shot of scotch. He hadn't realized how touch deprived he was until Bond's calloused hands brought warmth back to his skin.  
It was an unofficial rule in Q-Branch, giving people their space. The Branch was full of highly skittish techs, even Q would jump out of his skin if one the agents startled him with a casual touch to get him away from a project. But oh how good it felt. His cheek pressed against Bond's neck, the agent's arm around his shoulder, a steadying weight. He let out another shuddering breath and leaned in to rest his forehead on Bond's shoulder.

Bond started running his hand down Q's back, and brought the other to run through his hair after taking the mug from Q's hand, setting it somewhere Q wasn't bothered to find.

He suddenly felt another breath at the back of his neck, and his back was encircled with heat. This was a terrible idea, his mind supplied. But the less than sober part of it shushed it promptly and made him let out a tiny needy sound.

“Quartermaster, you take horrible care of yourself.” Alec's hands were caressing Q's ribs, legs now on either side of his. Bond kissed the side of his neck, drawing yet more sounds out of his throat.

“You're safe Q, I promise you, neither Alec nor I would let anything happen to you on our watch.” Bond said voice low into Q's ear. And Q was hard pressed not to believe him.

“Look at him James, he's exquisite like this. All pliant and needy. Can we keep him?” Alec asked over Q's shoulder, electing a protesting huff from him, and a chuckle from Bond.

“Would you like that Q? Us having you? Keeping you?” Bond asked, kissing Q's hair and neck between words.

For the life of him Q couldn't understand how they reached this point in the conversation. He was still confused over Alec's revelation, and he couldn't understand how his fright of Bond's wrath not two minutes ago turned into this heedless need for the man. It felt like he was under a spell. Couldn't not want the both of him touching him.

“We would wreck you Q, ruin you for any other. It will be glorious. Say yes.” Alec's words enticed him and his fingers ran over a clothed nipple, making him gasp and arch into the touch.

Bond's hands slipped under his shirt and started drawing shapes into his skin. Alec mirrored his partner and unbuttoned Q's shirt to run his hands over his collar bones down to his stomach, Goosebumps running in their wake.

This is insane.

Alec bit at the underside of his jaw, and Q couldn't stop a moan as he involuntarily flexed his neck back to Alec's shoulder. Bond let out something akin to a growl and leaned his head in to bite at the delicate skin above Q's right collar bone.

“Oh god” Q said with a breathy voice and clasped Bond's head closer.

This is a horrible idea.

It felt amazing.

Alec's fingertips were brushing the top of Q's trousers.

Bond was licking over the bruise he left.

Horrible. Bad. Stop. He had to stop.

“Stop.” He rushed out almost panting. And pushed at Bond's shoulders. Bond and Alec retreated immediately. His limbs shuddered at the loss of all the heat. But his head felt clearer.

“Q?” Alec sounded worried.

Q forced himself to stand up and walk away from them to sit on the sofa, trying to steady his breathing on the way. “We should not have done that.” He said.

“Why not? I can see full well you were enjoying it.” Alec lifted an eyebrow at him.

He must have been a sight. skin flushed, shirt opened and an obvious bulge tenting his trousers. He felt his cheeks redden more.

“I'm your quartermaster, not one of your conquests Trevelyan.” Q said indignantly. Then was stunned by Bond laughing at him. The blond had his head lowered, and his face was hard to interpret, but his laugh sounded strange.

“Yes, of course, because we tell all our conquests our deepest secrets Q. It's a seduction technique. Very new to the market. Perfect for attracting people. Especially the part were the secrets make you more frightened of us than before.” Bond's words were sharp, threatened to cut Q if Bond hadn't said them with a soft smile and an amused tone.

“what James means Q” Alec started, taking Bond's palm again. It felt like a ritual. “Is that we showed our hand. It's up to you to take it or leave it.”

“wait, you mean to tell me this was all, what? You courting me?!” Q squeaked. His head was churning. Oh those two were more fucked up than he was.

“Yes I thought that was fairly obvious.” Bond dead paned.

“Oh my god” Q stood up, hands flailing upwards exasperatedly “And you couldn't just be normal people and ask me out? You had to corner me in my office and make me think you were going to leap and eat me alive at any moment?!”

“We could make it fun, the eating alive thing, if you're interested.” Alec beamed at him.

“You are absolutely insane.” Q said, voice high and strung out.

“To be fair we never claimed to be good at this.” Bond's tone turned abruptly to echo Alec's. Their emotional tuning into each other made his head hurt.

“Oh please 007, I monitored enough of your missions to recognize that as a blatant lie.” Q replied with a chuckle.

“Can we go back to the kissing now, I rather liked the kissing.” Alec said, bouncing in his seat, once again channelling the five year old Q was convinced he was.

“we hadn't actually got to that part though.” Bond said pouting. Oh dear god, they even had the same pout. It's like they practised together to try to kill him.

Q paused and considered his options, it took a second, but he chuckled to himself then strode towards Bond, and sat himself in his lap, clasped his shoulders and planted his lips on the agent's mouth authoritatively, coaxing Bond's lips open with his own and tasting him.  
Smoky oak, leather, and the lingering smell of gun oil assaulted his senses. He groaned, pulling Bond closer to him.

"Ti prekrasnij.” Alec said to his right, hungerliy. Bond broke their kiss and rested his forehead sideways on Q's to look at his partner.

“Alec.” Bond called in a groan, and Alec moved closer to rest a hand on Bond's cheek and kiss him. They were magnificent together. Their mouths moved with years of practice pulling the most arousing sounds Q had heard out of each other. Q would be content watching them like this forever.

Bond's hand snacked around his waist and pulled him closer, breaking his kiss with Alec to lick at Q's bottom lip then tug it, causing him to moan loudly and scratch at Alec's shoulder.

"Careful kotyonok." Alec held his hand and started kissing his fingertips, then traced his way kissing up to suckle on his neck.

Bond hand was teasing a line up and down his stomach, and Q whined into his mouth, he got a chuckle in return and the hand dipped into his open trousers and gripped his length trough his pants. Bond's kisses hardened into a clash of lips and teeth and tongues when Q tightened his hold on his shoulders and started thrusting into his touch.

Alec grunted into his neck and started stripping Q of his dishevelled clothes. Hands rough and calloused, then warm lips following the trail of naked skin. Then Q was pressed to Alec's hard chest. He could feel the other man's arousal pressing into the small of his back and for the life of him he couldn't calculate when Alec found time to get naked but he didn't care one bit.

Bond's hands lifted him from his lap and pushed him back into Alec's arms, taking the rest of Q's clothes with him, but ceasing his touches much to Q's dismay. Alec found his hands and held them in one of his behind Q's back; restricting his movement. Q chocked a groan.

Alec mouthed in his ear “look up Q.” And Q hadn't realized he had closed his eyes until he opened them to the sight of Bond baring his sculptured chest and throwing his white dress-shirt somewhere in the direction of Q's desk.

Bond's eyes were aimed at him as he undid his trousers, and he smirked knowingly at Q's barely stifled moan. He stopped his ministrations to reach down his pocket and throw something that Alec caught effortlessly then laughed “Always the boyscout.” Alec teased and Bond wiggled his eyebrows at him in return.

Alec hands stopped Q from turning but he heard the packet ripping and Alec's mouth was back on him, tongue teasing his earlobe and teeth nibbling at his neck. “eyes upfront soldier.” Alec ordered. Q obeyed.

As Bond stood out of his trousers, Q felt Alec's finger teasing at his hole and he shuddered and dropped his head back, eyes still trained at the other double 0, who was now naked and hard and so beautiful. Q could see all his scars and his hands itched to touch, to catalogue each missing piece and trace them from memory. Bond's body was a canvas to his violent life and it was absolutely gorgeous.

Q strained and hissed when Alec's finger penetrated him, the stretch burning. But Alec's hold pressed him back while he continued slowly fucking the digit into him. Pleasure gradually burned at Q's nerve endings, turning his breaths into pants.

“please Alec.” Q tried pressing down into the touch.

“Patience kotyonok.” Alec shushed, continuing his maddening pace, holding Q's movements.

There was a hand pulling at Q's hair, and that was when he realized that Bond had moved closer to them and was now standing right in front of him, lips curling in a satisfied smile, his cock inches from Q's mouth. Q licked his lips, his breath quickening.

Alec hummed “Go on, he has a lovely cock doesn't he?” He added a second finger as he spoke, and went deeper, curling his fingers at just the right place to graze Q's prostate making him gasp and roll his eyes back.

“So responsive.” Bond purred, “You look ruined Q. positively good enough to eat.” He growled the last word and the hand in his hair pulled his head backwards, and he lifted his gaze to connect with Bond's.

Q licked his lips and coyly trailed his eyes to Bond's prick. Bond's hand eased his head forward and Q teased kisses on his hipbone, nibbling his way to his target leisurely, tasting the agent's skin, and when he reached the head of Bond's cock, curling towards his stomach, Q lifted his eyes up as he kissed it.

He peppered kisses along the length and teased kitten licks at his head until Bond groaned and pulled at his hair. Smirking, Q licked a stripe up Bond's prick and took the crown into his mouth sucking hard, tongue tracing the tip and tasting the bitter saltiness of Bond's pre-come. The blond took a sharp breath, the tightening pull of his hand teetering between pleasure and pain making Q moan onto his cock.

“Yes, that's perfect Q. Take him deeper. He likes to feel you all around him, To be buried in your mouth.” Alec whispered into his ear, voice low and breath hard and quick. He scissored his fingers then started thrusting them faster, stretching Q's hole, the lube filling the air with filthy noises.

Q bobbed his head, taking more of Bond's cock, tongue caressing the length at every thrust. Bond's fingers played with his curles, guided him gently. While the man stifled grunts and gasps.

Alec kissed his neck and shoulders as he slid a condom on and settled himself, the head of his shaft barely touching Q's entrance. Q whined in protest at the emptiness, and Alec kissed his hair and snacked his free hand to start a slowly stroking Q's rock-hard cock. Then he started pushing in.  
“Fuck  kotyonok , you feel perfect.” Alec growled.

“Slow Alec. I want to fuck his throat. Alright Q?” Bond asked, hand moving to Q's cheek and thumb tracing his stretched lips. Q nodded and relaxed his throat, inviting Bond to move.

Alec's thrusts were long and deep, his technique impeccable, his grip on Q's hands never faltering, positioning him to hit his prostate at every move. That and the alcohol coursing through his blood made Q light headed, brain slowly going blissfully empty.

Bond hit the back of his throat and kept going, filling every curve of Q, and thrillingly tightening his airway. He hummed in satisfaction when Alec and Bond's thrusts synced, the sound sending vibrations straight though Bond's cock. The other man groaned and gave a hard thrust in response. Q was surrounded by the woody smell of Bond, his senses assaulted by the agents' touches and hearing nothing but his own pulse and the sounds of their pleasures in his ear.

Alec was frustratingly consistent in his pace. He continued whispering guidance and praise into Q's ears, moving flawlessly between Russian and English as he left bruises with his bites all over Q's back.  
Bond came first, shooting down Q's throat and gasping his name, followed mere seconds by Alec. And when Bond's cock slipped out of his numb lips, restoring his the full flow of oxygen, Q shouted his orgasm into Bond's stomach.

***

He must have spaced out for a minute, because he opened his eyes to find himself on his couch. Head resting on Bond's clothed thigh. Alec still nude, back resting against the couch, smoking a cigarette. Q felt boneless, body completely pliant and warm. so thoroughly fucked that nothing mattered but the endorphins running through his system

“You okay?” Bond asked when he caught Q's eyes. Q nodded and rubbed his head on Bond's stomach, making the other man huff affectionately and stroke his hair. “You really are a cat.”

“We should get him a collar.” Alec resonated, taking Q's hand and massaging it with his thumb. Q stuttered a breath at his words.

“He would look stunning in a collar.” Bond agreed, taking the pack of cigarettes off of the coffee table at his right and lighting two in his mouth, he took one and placed it between Q's lips.

“Terrible habit, this.” Q gestured with the cigarette as he blew smoke out of his lung. Bond hummed in agreement.

“Are you really okay?” Alec asked kissing his knuckles.

“Yes-” Q coughed weakly, trying to sound less hoarse “I'm very okay.” He didn't succeed much, so he supplemented with a grin.

Alec passed him a water bottle with an answering beaming smile.

They smoked in silence for a while, Alec and Bond adding more alcohol to their post-coital routine, Q opting out.

“Why me though?” Q asked softly as he snuffed the butt of his cigarette.

Two pair of eyes trained on him quizzically, and it took a moment of the agents seemingly thinking over his question till Bond said in a huff of breath, hand still playing with Q's hair “Because you took over the comms in Prague, yelled at Alec, who hadn't met you yet, forcing him to listen to you, which in turn saved the idiot's life.”

“hmm yes, pleasant memory that.” Alec chuckled quietly, and added “The first time I met you properly, you glared at me and James, scolded us for losing your gadgets and dismissed us with not a second glance. And when we left your office, James had a look in his eyes that I've only ever seen once, not directed at me. But this time, it was for you, and you had already gained my respect if not trust before I even met you.”

Q's breath caught in his throat at the honesty in the statement.

“In Japan four months ago, Alec's mark was a disgusting old woman who specialized in child sex trafficking who had acquired some rather sensitive information. The only way to get to her source was to have a man on the inside. She was a suspicious old bitch and Alec's only way in was as a client.  
You knew what he would have to do, and I know M didn't sanction it Q, don't even try that one. You suffered you way through a 12 hour plane ride, and hacked her internal security system, rendering Alec useless in the process, but basically getting the mission done yourself instead.” Bond bent to plant a kiss on his forehead.

“Thank you for that by the way.” Alec smiled warmly at him, sitting cross-legged now, facing Bond and Q.

“Mallory should not have sent you in, he should have done his job and found another way. Yes it was an overly protected system, but he should not have written Q-branch off, they have me for Chrissake, he didn't even approach me on the subject! No, he had the double 0s. Who cares if they had to rape a bloody child to get the mission done!” Q was getting increasingly agitated. He only got to yell at Mallory a little during that mission before being dismissed, and he still held a grudge.

Alec moved to his knees and leaned down to kiss him, cutting off the rant Q still had going inside his head, and Q realized that through all what happened, he hadn't got to kissing him yet. Alec kissed gently, tongue caressing and worshipping. He licked and nipped all the thoughts out of Q's brain before leaning back with a blinding grin and saying “Thank you anyway  zvezda moya.”

“Have I mentioned how much I enjoy hearing other people complain about Mallory?” Bond interjected with an air of satisfaction and mirth. Alec laughed abruptly and Q grumbled.

“I will send you out with that deck of cards for a weapon 007, don't think I won't.” Q threatened when Bond kept tousling his hair and laughing at his increasingly annoyed expression.

“Please do, we never know what more it can accomplish.” Bond replied, half teasing and half fond. Then leaned in to peck him.

“I hope you're not planning on using that dreadful technique on anyone else Bond. I'd hate for you to be brought back home in pieces over a failed romancing attempt.” Q raised an eyebrow.

“Never.” Alec answered, and Bond agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> Russian translation
> 
> Ti prekrasnij: you're beautiful  
> kotyonok: kitten  
> svezda moya: my star
> 
> (thank you Ravenoceana for pointing out the missing scene and dttwins and Tsuyu for the Russian correction)


End file.
